Los pitufos de Donnie Darko

Donnie Darko. Que decir de esta película. Bien, a título personal diré que si me dijesen, que peli hubieses deseado escribir tú, diría ésta, Donnie Darko.

Para mí un peliculón, impresionante, inquietante, inteligente e increible. Para otros será una mierda, me es igual.

En mi afán de buscar un buen dialogo de esta película para el blog, me acordé de uno, el que hablan de los pitufos y la pitufina... para morirse de risa.

N.B. (nota del blogger) Smurf = Pitufo, Barrufet. Para entender mejor. Ahí va:

EXT. OLD GUN RUINS - AFTERNOON (FRIDAY MAGIC HOUR, 4:30
P.M.)

The ruins of a brick chimney sit in the middle of a field.
Donnie, Sean and Ronald have lined up several empty beer bottles,
cans and stuffed animals on the hearth.

They take turns blasting these targets with a BB gun.

Blam! A can falls over. Ronald hands the gun to Donnie. Sean pulls out

a bottle of Raspberry Night Train and takes a sip.
He hands the bottle to Ronald.

RONALD
What is this shit?

SEAN
Raspberry.

He takes a big sip... which results in a dry heave.

RONALD
Raspberry. That's good shit.

Donnie aims the crosshairs on Smurfette's head. He pulls trigger. Smurfette falls over.

RONALD
Wicked.

SEAN
No more fuckin' for her.

RONALD
Smurfette doesn't fuck.

SEAN
Bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the
other smurfs. That's why Papa Smurf
made her, 'cause the other smurfs
were getting too horny.

RONALD
Not Vanity. He's a homo.

Blam! A bottle shatters.

SEAN
Then she fucks 'em all while Vanity
watches. And Papa Smurf films it.

Ronald takes another sip of Night Train... followed by another dry heave. Blam! A bottle breaks.

DONNIE
First of all... Papa Smurf didn't
create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She
was sent in as Gargemel's evil spy,
with the intention of destroying the
smurf village. But the overwhelming
Goodness of the Smurf Way of Life
transformed her into the Smurfette
we all know and love. And as for the
whole gang-bang scenario... it just
couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual.
They probably don't even have
reproductive organs down there under
those little white pants. The only
reason they exist is because of magic
spells and witchcraft... which is
all a bunch of bullshit if you ask
me.
(beat)
That's what's so illogical about the
smurfs... what's the point of living
if you don't have a dick?

Donnie aims the gun... pulls the trigger. Blam! A bottle breaks.

RONALD
Dammit, Donnie! Why do you always
gotta get all smart on us!

Forth eorlingas!!! Va una de épica!

Vaya vaya, pillamos velocidad en el blog...

Que sería del cine sin la épica, sin remontar aquellas batallas legendarias en contra de la maldad y la oscuridad y que sería del cine sin la trilogia del señor de los anillos... pues os daré la respuesta: lo mismo que en literatura, no habría existido la historia fantástica mas bien hecha de la historia.

Como de las tres películas se pueden extraer muchos trozos, os pondré la escena que me ha puesto mas el bello de punta de la historia del cine... increible, sin mas. FORTH EORLINGAS!

WIDE ON: 6000 HORSEMEN, lead by THEODEN and EOMER, step up to
the SKYLINE . . .

ANGLE ON: MINAS TIRITH lies less than a MILE AWAY, down a
gentle slope. Over 50,000 ORCS are swarming around the base
of the city . . . thick BLACK SMOKE belches from within it.

CLOSE ON: MERRY BLANCHES with FEAR . . . EOWYN puts a
comforting hand on his shoulder.

EOWYN
(whisper)
Courage, Merry ... courage for our friends


Ont he BATTLE FIELD GOTHMOG walks among his troops ...

GOTHMOG
Form ranks you maggots! Form ranks! Pikes
in front, lances behind.

The ORCS PREPARE for BATTLE.

ANGLE ON: THEODEN gallops in front of his ARMY, ISSUING
URGENT ORDERS to his CAPTAINS:

THEODEN
(urgent yells)
Eomer! Take your Eored down the left flank
. . . Gamling! Follow the King's banner down
the centre. Grimbold, take your company
right after we pass the wall. Forth and
fear no darkness!

CLOSE ON: THEODEN rides to the front of his ARMY. He rises in
his stirrups, TALL and PROUD, yelling in a clear, LOUD VOICE


THEODEN (cont'd)
(stirring call)
Arise, arise, Riders of Theoden! Spears
shall be shaken, shields shall be
splintered . . . a sword day, a red day ^ere
the sun rises!

ANGLE ON: A RAY of SUNLIGHT escapes through the BLACK CLOUDS,
bathing the ROHIRRIM in GOLDEN LIGHT. WEAPONS and ARMOUR
GLEAMS . . . as 6000 HORSEMEN hold their SPEARS aloft!

Below, on PELENNOR FIELD, the ORC kneel and raise their
LANCES in READINESS ...

ANGLE ON: EOWYN, her arm around MERRY before her . . .


EOWYN
(terrified)
Whatever happens, stay with me. I'll look
after you.

MERRY looks on in SHOCK ...

ANGLE ON: As THEODEN rides past the ranks of SOLDIERS he runs
his LANCE along their SPEARS ... The noise echoes through the
RANKS as the WEAPONS of other RIDERS CLATTER in response ...

THEODEN
(stirring call)
Ride now, ride now, ride, ride for ruin and
the world's ending!

THEODEN faces his ENEMY !

THEODEN ( cont'd )
Death!

ROHIRRIM
(6000 voices)
Death!

CLOSE ON: MERRY is swept up in the emotion . .. he whips out
his LITTLE SWORD!

THEODEN
Death!

MERRY
Death!

EOWYN
Death!

THEODEN
(yelling)
Death! Forth Eorlingas!

RED RUM, RED RUM

Ayer ví esta gran película, el resplandor, the shining, y me acordé de este, mi blog, en el que no añado nada en meses.

Realmente, pocas películas me han puesto tan nervioso como esta, y no solo por la cara de loco del brillante Jack Nicholson, sino por el niño. Odio los niños en las pelis de terror... y aún más los niños que hablan con su dedo con una voz rara!

Aún y así, este fragmento no es sobre el niño (ya tiene suficiente en las escenas que recorre el hotel con el cochecito) sino que es sobre Jack, en un trozo dónde da rienda suelta a su locura:

WENDY
Stay away from me!

JACK
Why?

WENDY
I just want to go back to my room.

JACK
Why?

WENDY sobs.

WENDY
Well... I'm very confused, and I
just need a chance to think things
over.

CUT TO:

M.S. High Angle JACK over WENDY. He moves forward up stairs.
She backs away. CAMERA TRACKS BACK and UP before them.

JACK
You've had your whole fucking life
to think things over - what's good
a few minutes more going to do you
now?


WENDY
Jack... stay away from me... please.

JACK reaches up to her.

WENDY
Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me!

JACK
I'm not going to hurt you.

WENDY swings bat in front of her as she backs up stairs.

WENDY
Stay away from me,

JACK
Wendy!

WENDY
Stay away...!

JACK
Darling, light of my life, I'm not
going to hurt you. You didn't let
me finish my sentence. I said 'I'm
not going to hurt you... I'm just
going to bash your brains in!' I'm
going to bash them right the fuck in.

Matrix. Blue pill, red pill

Otra aportación made in vasco, el unico que curra aqui...


MORPHEUS
Hold out your hands.

In Neo's right hand, Morpheus drops a red pill.

MORPHEUS
This is your last chance. After
this, there is no going back.

In his left, a blue pill.

MORPHEUS
You take the blue pill and the
story ends. You wake in your bed
and you believe whatever you want
to believe.

The pills in his open hands are reflected in the glasses.

MORPHEUS
You take the red pill and you stay
in Wonderland and I show you how
deep the rabbit-hole goes.

Neo feels the smooth skin of the capsules, with the
moisture growing in his palms.

MORPHEUS
Remember that all I am offering is
the truth. Nothing more.

Neo opens his mouth and swallows the red pill. The
Cheshire smile returns.

MORPHEUS
Follow me.

American Beauty. Hollywood premia las pajas matinales

Sin comentarios. Gran inicio, gran película. Aportación de nuestro amigo el vasco, y a que no adivinais? EN CASTELLANO!

Me llamo Lester Burnham. Este es mi barrio. Esta es mi calle. Esta es mi vida. Tengo 42 años. En menos de un año habré muerto. Claro que eso no lo sé aún. Y en cierto modo, ya estoy muerto. Aquí me tienen, cascándomela en la ducha. Para mí el mejor momento del día. A partir de aquí, todo va a peor.

La delgada linea roja. Aportación

Bien! por fin! una aportación! espero que sea la primera de muchas. Esta la mandó mi amigo el vasco que nos transcribe un par de escenas de esa película filosofo-bélica que se llama la delgada linea roja. Veamos pues:




1-reflexiones despues de matar a alguien por primera vez.

DOLL
(shoots at Japanese soldiers)
I got 'em! I got 'em!

DOLL (internal voice)
I killed a man.

DOLL
Hey Queen! Queen! You there?

DOLL (internal voice)
Worse thing you can do. Worse than rape.

DOLL
Queen! You see them Japs leaving out left ridge?

DOLL (internal voice)
I killed a man, nobody can touch me for it.


2-sean penn (welsh) sermonea a jim cavieziel (witt)

WELSH
(standing)
You haven't changed at all, have you, Witt? You haven't learned a thing. All a man has to do is leave it to you, you put your head in the noose for him.
(sits down in front of Witt)
How many times you been AWOL? You been in the army what, six years now? Ain't it time you smartened up? Stop being such a punk recruit? I mean if you ever gonna.

WITT
(looks around him)
We can't all be smart.

WELSH
No, we can. That's a shame. Look at you.
(pause)
Truth is, you can't take straight duty in my company. You'll never be a real soldier. Not in God's world. This is C company of which I'm First Sergeant. I run this outfit. Now Captain Staros, he's the CO, but I'm the guy who runs it. Nobody is gonna foul that up. You're just another mouth for me to feed. Normally you'd be court-martialed. I worked a deal for you. You ought to consider yourself lucky. I'm sending you to a disciplinary outfit. You'll be a streatcher-bearer. You'll be taking care of the wounded.

WITT
(blinks back tears)
I can take anything you dish out. I am twice the man you are.

WELSH
In this world a man himself is nothing. And there ain't no world but this one.

WITT
You're wrong there, Top. I seen another world. Sometimes I think it was just my imagination.

WELSH
(smiles)
Well, then you've seen things I never will.
We're living in a world that's blown itself to hell as fast as everybody can arrange it. In a situation like that all a man can do is shut his eyes and let nothing touch him. Look out for himself.
I might be the best friend you ever had. You don't even know it.

Pulp Fiction. Ezequiel 25:17

Tarantino demuestra, otra vez, que en el tema de entretener con las palabras, es único, y sino, leer como Jules (Samuel L Jackson) aniquila a un pringado en la película Pulp Fiction.

JULES

There's a passage I got memorized,seems appropriate for this situation:Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of therighteous man is beset on all sidesby the inequities of the selfish andthe tyranny of evil men. Blessed ishe who, in the name of charity andgood will, shepherds the weak throughthe valley of darkness, for he istruly his brother's keeper and thefinder of lost children. And I willstrike down upon thee with greatvengeance and furious anger thosewho attempt to poison and destroy mybrothers. And you will know my nameis the Lord when I lay my vengeanceupon you."

The two men EMPTY their guns at the same time on the sitting Brett.

Star Wars. Yo soy...

Este es el momento, probablemente, en el que el movimiento friqui salió del útero. Yo al no verla en cine no recuerdo haberme emocionado ni nada parecido, pero siempre se recordará como uno de los momentos mas míticos de la história del cine. Si además le metes la voz de Constantino Romero ya vas que te vas. Un saludo.

VADER
There is no escape. Don't make
me destroy you. You do not yet
realize your importance. You
have only begun to discover your
power. Join me and I will complete
your training. With our combined
strength, we can end this destructive
conflict and bring order to the
galaxy.

LUKE
I'll never join you!

VADER
If you only knew the power of the
dark side. Obi-Wan never told
you what happened to your father.

LUKE
He told me enough! It was you
who killed him.

VADER
No. I am your father.

Shocked, Luke looks at Vader in utter disbelief.

LUKE
No. No. That's not true!
That's impossible!

VADER
Search your feelings. You know
it to be true.

LUKE
No! No! No!

VADER
Luke. You can destroy the Emperor.
He has foreseen this. It is your
destiny. Join me, and together
we can rule the galaxy as father
and son. Come with me. It is the
only way.

Braveheart. Wallace for freedom.

Que película! y que momento el que relataré ahora mismo! Como decía Cruyff se te pone el gallina de piel. Gran dialogo, de esos que te levanta de la silla y gritas tu también, de esos que te incitan a levantarte la falda y enseñarles el culo a los ingleses, y de esos que te harían correr por los campos de escocia con un palo en la mano haciendo el gilipollas. En resumen, uno de los mejores momentos, para mi, del cine bélico-histórico.

Wallace raises his hand, and the army falls silent.

WALLACE

Sons of Scotland!... I am William Wallace!

SOLDIER

William Wallace is seven feet tall!

WALLACE

Yes, I have heard! He kills men by the hundreds!

And if he were here, he would consume the English with fireballs from his eyes,

and bolts of lightning from his ass!

Many laugh -- all get the point.

WALLACE

I am William Wallace. And my enemies do not go away.

I saw our good nobles hanged. My wife...

I am William Wallace.

And I see a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of tyranny.

You have come to fight as free men.

And free men you are! What will you do with freedom?

Will you fight?

VETERAN

Two thousand, against ten? We will run -- and live!

WALLACE

Yes. Fight and you may die. Run and you will live, at least awhile.

And dying in your bed many years from now,

would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that,

for one chance to come back here as young men, and tell

our enemies that they make take our lives,

but they will never take our freedom!!

Reservoir dogs, Madonna y su Like a virgin.

Tarantino, una eminencia en los guiones, saltó a la fama con la película Reservoir dogs. Esta película a mi recordar no es mas que sus palabras, ya que no incluye escenas movidas, ni a penas de exteriores, la gran mayoría se la pasan en un garage.

Aún y así, la película empieza en un bar, con una conversación de lo más inverosímil. Una pequeña muestra de lo retorcida que es la mente de mi amigo Quentin (lo conocí en sitges jeje).

A ver que os parecen lo que fueron sus primeras palabras:

INT. UNCLE BOB'S PANCAKE HOUSE - MORNING
Eight men dressed in BLACK SUITS, sit around a table at a breakfast cafe. They are MR. WHITE, MR. PINK, MR. BLUE, MR. BLONDE, MR. ORANGE, MR. BROWN, NICE GUY EDDIE CABOT, and the big boss, JOE CABOT. Most are finished eating and are enjoying coffee and conversation. Joe flips through a small address book. Mr. Pink is telling a long and involved story about Madonna.

MR. PINK

"Like a Virgin" is all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The whole song is a metaphor for big dicks.

MR. BLUE

No it's not. It's about a girl who is very vulnerable and she's been fucked over a few times. Then she meets some guy who's really sensitive--

MR. PINK

--Whoa...whoa...time out Greenbay. Tell that bullshit to the tourists.

JOE

(looking through his address book)

Toby...who the fuck is Toby? Toby...Toby...think...think... think...

MR. PINK

It's not about a nice girl who meets a sensitive boy. Now granted that's what "True Blue" is about, no argument about that.

MR. ORANGE

Which one is "True Blue?"

NICE GUY EDDIE

You don't remember "True Blue?" That was a big ass hit for Madonna. Shit, I don't even follow this Tops In Pops shit, and I've at least heard of "True Blue."

MR. ORANGE

Look, asshole, I didn't say I ain't heard of it. All I asked was how does it go? Excuse me for not being the world's biggest Madonna fan.

MR. BROWN

I hate Madonna.

MR. BLUE

I like her early stuff. You know, "Lucky Star," "Borderline" - but once she got into her "Papa Don't Preach" phase, I don't know, I tuned out.

MR. PINK

Hey, fuck all that, I'm making a point here. You're gonna make me lose my train of thought.

JOE

Oh fuck, Toby's that little china girl.

MR. WHITE

What's that?

JOE

I found this old address book in a jacket I ain't worn in a coon's age. Toby what? What the fuck was her last name?

MR. PINK

Where was I?

MR. ORANGE

You said "True Blue" was about a nice girl who finds a sensitive fella. But "Like a Virgin" was a metaphor for big dicks.

MR. PINK

Let me tell ya what "Like a Virgin"'s about. It's about some cooze who's a regular fuck machine. I mean all the time, morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

MR. BLUE

How many dicks was that?

MR. WHITE

A lot.

MR. PINK

Then one day she meets a John Holmes motherfucker, and it's like, whoa baby. This mother fucker's like Charles Bronson in "The Great Escape." He's diggin tunnels. Now she's gettin this serious dick action, she's feelin something she ain't felt since forever. Pain.

JOE

Chew? Toby Chew? No.

MR. PINK

It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts like the first time. The pain is reminding a fuck machine what is was like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a Virgin."